The 10 Dangers of Parenting You Won’t Find In the Books

When you become a parent, it is a given you are going to do everything in your power to protect your kids. But what about you?  When I became a mom for the first time, I quickly realized parenting is only 25% head-knowledge and 75% learned on the fly (trial and error, anyone?).  So I want to go ahead and tell you about the dangerous things I encounter on a day-to-day basis. Maybe we can all learn something and survive with fewer “battle” wounds. 😉

1. Car seat buckles– Have you ever tried buckling in a wiggling baby, avoiding pinching their inner-thighs with the buckle (because if you do, your child will refuse to go anywhere near the car seat. ever.), only to snap the buckle right on your finger? Yeah, me neither… (*shifty eyes*) My rule of thumb (no pun intended) is to first loosen all of the straps, buckle baby in, and then tighten the straps again.  The extra slack in the harness should keep you in the clear.



2. Legos, Duplos, and/or building blocks– Especially in the middle of the night when you are trying to quietly check in on the kiddos. Do Legos and other building toys come with magnets that automatically attract to the tender spot on the bottom of your feet?? Seriously, OUCH! I still haven’t mastered the art of avoiding these hazardous items.  Tread carefully!



3. Teething babies– They are so cute and drooly, smiling innocently as they pull your finger towards your mouth.  Don’t give in! Don’t do it! Babies are equipped with their own “jaws of life”! If you don’t want it removed from your body, don’t put it in your teething baby’s mouth. (And moms who are nursing… I don’t think I need to explain more about this hazard.) Be careful. They make teething toys for a reason!



4. Sippy cups or bottles– Junior is so sweet and giggly, innocently drinking his bottle, but look away for one minute and BAM! You’re blindsided with that bottle right in your head, which, by the way, is his new source of entertainment. (We used to use glass bottles. Key words: used to.) Helmets, anyone?



5. Toddlers’ feet– Babies feet are so soft. And sticky. And hard. And pointy. And boy do they hurt! Picture yourself barefoot, sitting on the couch, minding your own business, when your precious toddler wobbles over to you (awww, how cute!). She decides your feet are the perfect place to stand, over and over again, giggling at her newfound favorite stomping ground. Don’t think it hurts? Try it, I dare you.  (I have literally had bruises cover the tops of my feet from my darling toddlers.) Whenever possible, steer your child away from your feet!



6. Cold food– This one isn’t so much painful as it is really, really sad.  When you have kids, your days of expecting warm meals dwindle down to few-and-far-between.  Have you ever tried eating cold chili, soup, or lasagna? It just doesn’t have the same heart-warming effect as its hot counter-part does. Try eating as quickly as possible if you hope to savor a warm morsel.  Or, pop it in the microwave or toaster oven when everyone else is finished eating. (Whoever invented those items deserve Nobel Peace Prizes, seriously!)



7. Chair legs– Your pinky toe and your chair legs are going to become acquainted, and fast.  Kids are always moving chairs (and benches, and tables, and couches) from where they usually sit.  This normally wouldn’t be a problem, but when you are stumbling out to the kitchen at 2:30 in the morning to get your sweetie pie a drink of water and don’t expect a chair to be in the way, the situation can escalate quickly. (I think we should invent steel-toe slippers for parents all over the world. Actually, that would take care of several hazards on this list.)



8. Bunk beds– If you have multiple kids and not a lot of space in your home (like us), bunk beds become a sensible option for sleeping arrangements. Until you cuddle your bottom bunk child (and yourself) to sleep, wake up in the middle of night to go back to your bed, and smack your head on the top bunk.  (Maybe helmets in the house should be mandatory.)



9. Baby nails– Did you know kids also come equipped with their own sets of claws? For self defense, obviously.  Like when they’re hugging you or grabbing you. And they grow at a crazy fast rate, no matter how often you trim them.  Beware!



10. Rough-housing kids– When kids are playing around, jumping and running with their moms and dads, they seldom behave in a gentle manner.  Remember that helmet mentioned in #8? You might want to put one on each person involved.  And if you’re a guy, well, be forewarned of flying kids and their flying bodies towards certain areas on your body! (*cough cough*)



I hope I’ve helped alert you to the daily dangers we parents face.  Stay safe!

Do you have any other hazards you’d like to add to this list?

**This post was meant to be funny and light-hearted because I woke up in a grumpy mood today. 🙂 All images were found via Google Image search.**


14 thoughts on “The 10 Dangers of Parenting You Won’t Find In the Books

  1. Ha ha, love this – it’s brilliant! I have claw marks down my arms to remind me to cut my youngest’s nails and had to educate her this morning about the hazards of running across lego – ouch! 😀

  2. Er – hang on, are you pregnant with your sixth child? Oh my goodness, I don’t think I read that properly before!! Maximum respect, ha ha. My husband doesn’t like me having friends with lots of children because it makes me broody 😉

  3. Just a note that matchbox cars hurt as much as legos when you step on them. Ouch.

    And those cute little feet – they can do damage long before your little one is walking! I used to have bruises on my thighs from my little one who liked to “jump” while I held him standing on my lap. We quickly invested in a jumperoo to help with that little problem. Further bruising averted.

  4. Not so much hazardous but my kids scare the bejesus out of me when they creep in all quiet in the middle of the night talking non sense… right now at 1am I’m reading on my 3 year old sneaks up and starts talking about a bunny rabbit… heart rate increases lol

  5. Great list. What I’m bewildered about is how my little ones can conk me with their heads (especially in the face) and not even be phased while I’m in agony. And of course, they think it’s funny.

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